Pro Wrestling Information to Avoid a Heart Attack During a Match Or at Any Other Time in Your Life
If you are a professional wrestler you may have noticed your fellow workers are prone to fall over dead from a heart attack even in the prime of life. Being more physically fit than wimpy football and basketball players this shouldn’t happen but it appears to be an actuality.
Too many chair shots to the head, suplexes on concrete or some green guy dropping you on your head could have something to do with it but on the other hand it could be steroids you’ve never used or pain killers for that little bruise you have on your high knee as the Dream used to say and it could even be old age that makes you a candidate for a heart attack.
In old-school wrestling the name of the game was to make the fans have heart attacks from excitement but it could be rather embarrassing or even fatal if the big bump comes and you aren’t prepared in advance to deal with a little fribulation on one end or flatlining on the other. What you gonna do now boy?
The answer is easier than reversing a hammerlock, more therapeutic than 50 high backdrops in a row off the ropes and more fun in the dressing room than a few ounces of juice with a rusty needle but there is a catch; this stuff will make your biceps quiver, drop you to your knees, make you put your hands over your face and holler for your mama so you gotta use a chaser to get it down.
This stuff is commercially available but it is so weak it’s hardly worth buying so if you can go to a liquor store and a produce market then you can make it yourself for about 25 bucks and you can recoup your money in the locker room selling it for two bucks for an eye dropper squirted into the mouth of a newbie who wants to know all the wrestling tricks.
You go to the liquor store and get a pint or two of pure grain alcohol like Everclear and then go by a fresh fruit market and get the hottest Jalapenos, Habaneros and African Bird Pepper you can lay your hands on or you can even order the dried stuff online. A handful of each will make enough juice to last you a couple of years.
If you’re using fresh peppers chop them up into tiny pieces, put them into a glass jar then pour the grain alcohol about a quarter inch above the level of the fruits. If you are using dried and powdered peppers just throw them in the glass jar and cover with alcohol by an inch or more. Shake the jar every time you pass by and after about a week you can strain some of the liquid into a small glass bottle with an eye dropper attachment.
You’re ready to rock ‘n roll. Before you go into a match put some water in your mouth and squirt in six full eyedroppers then swallow quickly and chase it with more water and you’ll have more energy than you’ve ever had in the ring before plus you will NOT have a heart attack. Yes, you might get your neck broke but your heart will not be a problem.
If you run across someone that’s having a heart attack just squirt three or four full eyedroppers of the Pepper into their mouth and they will not die! They may think they’re going to die from the hot stuff but what actually happens is their heart will begin to beat normally and their blood will thin rapidly if they’re having a blood clot. This stuff is 10 times stronger than the nitroglycerin pills they give old people.
Being an old wrestler, here’s one last little tip you can use to control your opponent any time you wish in the match or if the guy is green and you want to give him a few old-school lessons then do this dirty deed. Squirt about three drops of your liquid Pepper steroid on your left and right knuckles and allow it to dry. Whenever you are ready, just touch either knuckle to an area around his eye and wait for the fun to start.
If you don’t think this works, put half a drop on your finger, let it dry then touch any area an inch or so above or below your eye and about 30 seconds later you will feel the burn. It actually improves vision if you can take the heat.
Okay pro wrestler, you know how to prevent a heart attack and even save your fellow workers lives if they have a one or at least have fun with the newbies in the dressing room and make a few bucks selling them some of your hot juice. You’ll probably make more money doing that than you will by selling those pictures of your ugly mug! Live life and have fun!